i think i've made my choice....

it's been long time....
i admit that i HAD  fancy u...
in another way is USED TO...


i loved u so much when i was in malaysia...
i knew that u were younger than me, and i was really fussy about age...
i didnt mind about u...
i was still love u very much...


when i found out that my best friend fancy u...
i tried to let go but i cant...
i was totally in love with u...


u were that perfect to me...
but u've choose her...
then i just starting to understand and let go...


a year later u went to my school...
i was shocked, i thought u choose another school with my best friend...
and i was really happy, i thought that i still stand a chance
but unfortunally , it doesnt last long, she moved school just for u....
I DONT STAND A CHANCE...


i told u that i have to leave, because i have to go to england....
u seems DONT CARE....
what can i do???
say bye.....


now, we contact, just for a week.....
u told me that u accually have a feeling about me....
i was SHOCKED...
but it doesnt felt like use to...
u want me to answer the question u gave me...
i said THINK ABOUT IT
then i reliase that i dont really have a feeling about u....


i can tell u the answer....
I'M SORRY, IT'S TOO LATE

what do u want me to do??

u always say i'm nothing, i'm useless...
u always say i'm lazy, i make u so angry...


but do u know what i did in school??
do u know i'm trying to find a part time job???
do u know that i'm trying to make u happy??


u always say i never save up, i always spend all my money to those useless stuff...


did u know that y i broke??
for who???
and for what??


i know i am useless in your eye, i am nothing in ur eye...
i did,i did try my best to not make u angry but sometimes u told me off infront of the relative and infront my friends...


do u know how i feel？？
u always just care about ur feelings...
what about me??
i am ur freaking daughter...


u always tell me how my cousin are good, how they are clever, always have As in exam...
but did u know that they are in malaysia, i'm in england....
did u know how stress am i...
about where to go after school...
about the exams...
but u never care...


money in my pocket, who to spend to and y... is my choice...
i've brought u 35 pound shirt for christmas ...
what it end up is u telling me off...


sometimes i just cant take it any more and move out...
if there is one day... I WILL


who's fault is it???
not ur fault... no...
is my fault...
is ALL my fault~~~~

3 word or 8 letter....

i always wanted u to say it...

i always expecting that...

i dont mind , i dont mind when u gonna say it 

but i want u to know that i'll wait for u...

u always appearing in my dream...

sometimes i'll jump in the middle of the night and sometimes i'll never want my dream over...

i'll jump because it was a bad dream, i dreamed that i kidda told u what is my feeling about u, but it always ended u walk away!!!

i wish that my dream will never ends because i told u how i felt about u and u said u felt the same way as well...

people arent robot, human gives people feeling, sometimes he gave u a feeling think that he likes u, but sometimes they totally ignor u and u will think maybe how u felt before is wrong...

is so hard to get people feelings, people in my mum's generations always said that if u need to get to know someone, u'll need to get to know how his stomach working...

i know it's confusing to white people (no offence), but it always make sense to chinese people...

i think that if that 3 words or 8 letters come out of ur mouth and said it to me, it means that my dream come true, and it will be a shock for me...

STILL

yesterday night michelle went to mine for sleep over...
and we had a massive conversation about boy and relationship!!!
it was alright... just made me think that i never spoken to you but dont know how that i fancy u for a year...
i know that u might already forgotten me but STILL u r living in my heart...
sometimes i get upset that typing stuff about u on blog but i managed it...

today i went to town with michelle and marlon...
we went in to priors and we went into HMV, i saw someone's back look just like u... i thought that person was u... but when he turn around, i wasnt u... i kindda dissapointed but kindda happy in the same time...
dissapoined is because that person wasnt u...
happy is because i can see u another day but is kindda awkward and i think i might hid under the CD  or BOOKS...
dont know if it make sense but that is what i felt in HMV...

after that we went to marlon's house...
we had a great laugh about STUFF...
and had a great laugh about my teeth...
even michelle's jaw is hurting her...

and we got into a coversation about u...
marlon asked me how i feel if i found out that  have a girlfriend...
what i can say is~~~
is u r happy, i'm happy...
i cant be that girl but at least i can see u happy (even with another girl)
i'm not worry that she will upset u, i'm worry that she wouldnt bring u happyness...
i do very love u...
but it will just stay in my heart...
i'll never tell u, and i'll never forget u...
what i hope is maybe the next guy that i fancy can wash u away from my heart...
it's pain and it's hard, but i think i can stay where i am and not saying a word...
i trying to tell myself it wouldnt happen but my heart always on ur side...
even thou i cant tell u how much I LOVE U but all my love will be in here... right in my blog...

i'll never give up~~~

i know that we never had a conversation before...
i know that we dont even KNOW each other...
but i dont know why~~~
when i first saw u, i quickly felt in love with u...
i cant control it... my eyes staring at u... even that was ur back, i felt really happy~~~
i didnt know ur name~~~
i didnt know what year u r~~~
i just wanna to get near u...

when the time we (me and my friend) sat near u and ur friend...
i simply cant control myself AGAIN...
afther my friend felt in love with ur friend, i felt that, i'm closer to u...
we had conversation, not much, but i felt that i was in heaven...

when u leave school, i thought that i'll never see u again...
my heart felt like it was cracking and someone seperated in pieces...
i was really upset, i cant forget that feeling that i've got and never forget...
i thought that u going to college...
when i said to myself, we will never see each other again... ur shadow will appear in my mind....i was thinking to forget u, but i cant, u never leave my mind and my heart...

when i saw u in school this year, i dont know why, just like someone stich up my heart, my soul is coming back, my heart beat go faster and faster, my face go reder and reader...
i was so happy to see u, and of course i am still happy....
i know that, i cant see u every day but when i know that u in school, it comfort me...
even if God let me see u once a week , without u knowing, without u staring in my eyes, without talking to u... even it was ur back, i will feel like sky high...er

i know i never have the gut to say this infront of u, i know that u r attractive u will have a girl friend any time, and i know if i dont say it now in here, i will regret in my life~~~~

I LOVE U J**

快快康复~~~

 

told u to be careful and told u to drink a lot of water

but u never listen

that's wat u'll get (illness)

GET WELL SOON :)

勇敢~~~

 

如果我有那么勇敢就好了。。。

勇敢地面对自己， 勇敢的面对别人

　有些事情自己就觉得很烦

　不想被别人控制，却没有毅力去反抗

16th

i really have a very fun day~~~

every one is asking me how is it being 16...

OH WELL...

i can say nothing is changing

time is flying by and i'm feeling old...

天气晴朗的一天

 

好久都没有像今天的天气那么晴朗了。。。

记得上一次，一起跟朋友出去玩

有说有笑的

有点怀念